I have most recently moved across the pond from my beloved Norway to the home of football, Mary Poppins, Cup of tea and much more. But what Englishmen have yet to discover is this beautiful Swedish product called Snus. On the local pub I got quite a few glances and weird looking faces the first (and second end third etc) time I opened my Skruf to put one of these little bags under my lip. Quite a lot of those I spoke with thought it was marihuana I put under there, and some of course thought it was tea(?!). However, this story took place in the same local pub with me and a couple of mates have some pints. This one bloke, Joe, sat and watched this box with a quite interesting look for about ten minutes, before he ambitiously said: "Fuck it, let my try one of those!" As I've seen people try this before I warned him, that he might get a bit dizzy, considering the fact that he was drunk and a non-smoker, Snus would be quite strong for him. But as stubborn and cocky Joe was, he was determent not to back out of this.
I thought however, that I wanted to make it more interesting, not wanting to see him having it in for 2 minutes and then throw it out. So I convinced him to a bet that he had to have the Snus (Skruf Portion) under his lip for 30 minutes, if he did, I would buy him a pint. If he didn't he'd have to buy me one. He accepted.
After about 15 minutes four rather hot girls (English hot that is, not much compared to the Scandinavian girls I am used to) comes over to our table. This table is in the middle of the pub, and watchable from almost wherever you sit in there. They sit down and start talking with us, at this point my mate Joe is getting quite pale and looks rather uncomfortable with this fine product in his mouth. But he knows he has 15 minutes left and is not ready to back out. Especially when I, as the gentleman I am, tell the other girls about the bet and the product.
7 mins to go Joe looks like sh*t. He looks like he's been seasick for two weeks and can barely talk, his only focus is to last out the time. One of the girls sees this and asks him if he's alright. Joe turns his head towards the girl, and opens his mouth. With brown Snus-liquid pouring down covering his teeth and making them as brown as chocolate. But before any words comes out, he throws up. All over the girl, all over the table, all over two other girls and over himself as well. A disgusting mix of 8\9 pints, a double cheese burger and the bag of Skruf Portion witch lies between everyone in the middle of the table. As it wanted to say "Yes, it was me who caused this!"
The poor girl’s screams - loud, everybody (in a packed pub) is looking over at us, while Joe looks awfully sick and shocked at the same time.
Before he slowly rises up, walks over to bar, asks the barkeeper for a towel to clean up with and a pint to that bastard of a Norwegian who's laughing like crazy over at the table.
By D Ottesen
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